Imposter Syndrome Antics

 

Can we take a moment to talk about imposter syndrome? I know it is a common conversation (or at least it should be). I’ve been struggling for the past few weeks and I know for a fact it partly stems from this “syndrome” for lack of a better word. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are other layers to my emotions the past few weeks, but the feeling of inadequacy is high on the scale. 

  via Refinery29

via Refinery29

I’ve done good in the past with shifting my perspective because at the end of the day it boils down to my belief of myself. However, the past few weeks as things start taking shape and height in my businesses and my personal brand, I am left wondering if I can really handle it all. I am left wondering if I am the right one for the job. I’ve subtly been sabotaging myself again and it is the most frustrating thing in life. I legit just want to cry right now (thats a slight reach, but you get the gist) as I quickly replay scenes of me self-sabotaging myself. 

Accolades from others is dope, validation to an extent holds weight...sure, but where is the spot where I give myself accolades and I validate for self? 

 Photog Dennis Cohen | MUA Melisa Martine

Photog Dennis Cohen | MUA Melisa Martine

Deep down I know where I stand. l know I have whatever life throws at me simply because I’ve always had it. I’ve shown receipts to myself and others that I have it so why is this phase I am going through any different?

Always questions, sometimes answers, but mainly a lot of mind fuck situations. I’m truly just venting right now. This is how I currently feel. It will certainly past and I will get up,   push through and make it look effortless. 

That’s what we strong gals do, but it was important for me to vent my thoughts via writing. I logged this in during my train ride one night after a recent networking dinner because us strong girls have all these feelings too.

Ayanna Dutton